If I have love...

I need to be awake in less than 5 hours, but I have got to note this down. Today was a disaster by every measure I use, and if there was any excellence, it was truly a 'best-we-can-do' kind of response. However, as the Lord states personally in Isaiah 55:8-9, His ways are higher than my ways. Thus, I defer to His better wisdom and way.

Everything conspired against what I knew to be right, to be excellent, and revealed the true nature of my heart. I did not want a time in which my family-in-Christ could meet, I wanted a performance. I wanted a glittering spectacle, something I could be proud of, in my own arrogant measure.

But God does not want me to live like this. Not live in arrogance at my achievements, but to dwell in humble joy and contentment in Him. Yes, it's painfully difficult. I had to sit out the party for a little while to debate with the Lord as to the necessity of the circumstances. I have faced difficulties, but never did it persist this much. I had quite frankly pointed to the Enemy for his scheming, and did indeed pray against his machinations. Perhaps he had his part to play, but that too the Lord used to direct me to His principal point.

If I have any love, then I must elevate those whom I love. If I love them, then I will not want them to eat dirt, since there's better food on the Father's table. If I love them, then I will want them to be clothed in the authority of princes and princesses of the Realm, as I walk in. If I do nothing else, I will do as Apostle Paul did - "show a way of life that is the best of all" (1 Cor 12:31b), and that is to love.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. - 1 Cor 13:7 (NLT)

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. - 1 Cor 13:13 (NLT)

Post-it.

I will fight weariness, hunger, suffering, disappointment, foolishness and stubborn stupidity, because what I do for God now will be my story for all eternity.

In all honesty.

This is what it says in the Bible when Jesus called Matthew to a life of being His disciple,

As Jesus passed on from there, He saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax office. And He said to him, “Follow Me.” So he arose and followed Him. - Matthew 9:9

This is what (usually) happens when Jesus calls me to a life of being His disciple,

Jesus: "Follow Me."

Me (in several settings): 
"Wah, zhun bo? If it's you, Jesus, send me a sign."
"I want to know what to expect. Will I have [INSERT RELEVANT EARTHLY COMFORT HERE]?"
"Show me the whole plan leh. I want to know what's coming." (Thankfully, He has never entertained this request, I don't think my self-absorbed mind can handle the Big Picture)
"Wah piang, I wasn't expecting this. I had hoped for [INSERT PERSONAL OPINION HERE]."

Yep, I guess they had greater faith back then. But then, the same Jesus also states all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed to go on this journey. All I know is that God is good, and that Jesus embodies His goodness. Therefore, I will obey as Matthew did, and I pray that it be something I do forevermore.