"Fight it," says Faith. "God the Father is not done with you yet."
"Give in," says Reason. "Listen to the Cynic. This life is clearly an exercise in futility."
And I lament, having given my life over to Reason, that even when Faith has something to say, I allow Reason to have greater say, and have Faith as the backup. So often has this happened, that I hardly ever hear Faith in daily matters. It seems that when those who continue to believe in me, repeat to me what Faith has not stopped saying, and just as I rejected Faith, I so reject them. I exhibit indifference, or outright rejection. Why?
Because Reason has taken a place over the Object of my Faith. Given the circumstances now, I now realize that as long as Reason and God stand on the same side, I will agree with Faith. Now, however, given the grimness of the reality in my life, and even life in general, I have always preferred to side with Reason. God and Reason are contradictions so deep I cannot reconcile them alone. A choice must be made, without delay.
"Without faith," says Faith. "no man can please God."
What do I really want to do? What do I really believe? The actuality is that Reason and Faith has never stood on the same side. Reason changes its opinion according to facts, Faith stands with truth. What is true to the observer who is bound in time may be true now, but not tomorrow. What Faith sees, however, stays true forever because it sees into another realm, just as real but eternal and unseen. I am uncomfortable with what I cannot perceive in person. To me, seeing is believing.
"You are not alone, Thomas too believed only when he saw and touched. But he had to first take a leap of faith, since he had to first give voice to the doubts that filled him. He believed Jesus that stood before him to be the same One who answered their every question patiently and lovingly," says Faith. "What say you now, to Him who stands at the door of your heart, knocking that you might ask Him to reveal Himself as He did to Thomas?"
What a choice - to burn my bridges and live an Agnostic, or to cut Reason loose and believe Faith and God.
