Well-loved in Christ.

These, as you can see, are two bicycles. One of them came into my life after the first was stolen, albeit due to my ignorance and carelessness. The one on the right arrived this year, when I first saw her on a to-sell ad on a local secondhand bike website.

What is so important about them that I speak about them on a blog dedicated to the inner battles we fight as believers in a faithless world? They are symbols of God's grace in my life, and a constant reminder to hold fast to the truth of His Word. How so, one might ask?

From the first time I laid my hands on my first mountain bike (now lost to me), I knew cycling was going to be one of my core passions. When I first wheeled my bike home, I got a earful from my mother, and a decidedly worried look from my father. They have come to accept it's part of me now, and now make it a point to remind me to be careful on the road.

What then is the big deal here? It is the journey that I have travelled to own these two bikes. The first mountain bike (now lost to me) was only the beginning. I only genuinely learnt how to maintain a bike when this second mountain bike came to me. It was a desperate buy; an attempt to have a sturdy frame from which I could start riding again. It came with brakes I later discarded, wheels I ended up selling off, a seatpost that was too short and a stem that was too high. I invested time and money to make it suitable for me, and I have practically swapped out every part on this bike. I learnt a great deal about how bikes work over the last two years. I also learnt that my passion was not only in cycling, but commuting by bike.

This set the stage for the second bike. I searched and searched for a long time, for a bike that would suit my ideal commuting vehicle - low maintenance, high reliability, simplicity of use. It was a long search, and I almost quit looking. But one day, I found an online ad for the sale of this bike, secondhand. It was in a place pretty distant from me, but I knew this was the one bike I had to personally see. I didn't know what was a Sturmey-Archer hub, nor what brand Maxway was. I only knew that I'll see it in person and I'll decide then. I bought it, and it was only because a trusted friend gave me a quick loan. He lent it to me with nary a second thought, and I didn't even really ask. I only showed him how beautiful I thought the bike on sale was.

Here's the story behind these two bikes, lovely 'ladies' that I rely on for all the fun on trails and on a commute. This is the story of God's love for my passion. I wish I could tell the tale in fewer words, but it wouldn't do my heavenly Father any justice, because He took the time to weave a tale of His love and grace over such a long time period. If you asked penniless me three years ago whether I would one day own two bikes, I would answer with a 'yes', but I would imagine it was when I had a steady job and income. My passion for cycling was met with God's loving care and grace. Indeed, He is Jehovah Jireh - The Lord my Provider. He will not put a passion in a man, in which He does not bring to completion in due time. If He is so concerned for my passion for cycling, should not my whole being be committed to His passion for the eternal souls of men? Therefore, I say, I will delight in Him every day, because I am well-loved.

Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." 

Fight temptation.

It's been a while since I penned any of my thoughts here. Perhaps it's that old problem seizing me again - that subtle desire for recognition. Whatsoever, I should not cease, for this is meant to be a place that I air what I learn in my walk to stay on the narrow road, without facades.

The subject matter right now is a verse I have always taught on its own, without context. While it is truthful, it belongs in a greater segment of text that should not be overlooked while studying the Scriptures.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful;he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13

Jesus Himself speaks on the subject of temptation, in Gethsemane, when the disciples fall asleep repeatedly. He said, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Mark 14:38)

Temptation, as I am taught, is an invitation to sin. Without knowledge of the truth, one cannot recognize temptation. Knowledge of the truth, and specifically the Word of God, is important in fighting temptation. All these I teach without fail, but I realize I have overlooked a deeper message -  avoid idolatry. 

That is the First Commandment of the Ten. A pure and unadulterated love for God has Jesus in the highest priority. We fight temptation because we want to keep our love pure and delightful to Him. Indeed, "until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished." (Matthew 5:18)

A faith, pure as gold.

In a world where appearances are more important than substance, even the intangible things have lost their substance. I want to have a faith that is pure gold, with neither dross or alloy core. My faith should be immutable to the storms of life, worth its weight wherever I go, and rooted in my Lord Jesus Christ.

I've seen a world in which faith is rewarded without testing. It was a good and beautiful world, but I balked at its inherent corruptability. Faith not tested by trials is like gold not tested by a blazing fire. No one can look at a block of gold and tell if it's pure gold or just gold-plated. The surest way is by melting it down with a hot fire, and seeing what comes out of it - pure shimmering liquid gold or an impure mixture of gold and what not. Therefore, since I have had "encouragement from being united with Christ", "comfort from His love", "community in the Spirit", "affection and sympathy" (Phil 2:1), I'll live a life exhorting believers to stand firm in trials and troubles, for "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Cor 4:17)

The place of Duty.

"To the right person, the person who is truly born to it, duty is a form of love, through which all is possible. Duty is not always a denial of things, but an expansion of them to others. Duty is not always a chore, but is best carried out with love." - quoted from Temple of the Winds, by Terry Goodkind.

These are words to live by for me, such that I never slip into the attitude that my responsibilities supersede my Lord's call to love, to place others' interests before self. Duty is hollow without genuine, sincere love.

Addendum: [The above quote in Mandarin] 责任是爱的一种形式。在有责任感的人的手里，它会展现爱的伟大，能克服任何困难。责任并不总是贬低自己，而是通过自己的行为和思想扩大其他人的方位。责任并不总是苦差事，但最好是带着爱心而进行。

Tomorrow, today.

Ready yourself for tomorrow, while being in today. You have missed tomorrow, but tomorrow was never a time and date, but a place of readiness. Yesterday's mistakes are learning points, so learn well. Today is what you have, so do well. Tomorrow will come, because the promise comes from His Word. Tomorrow will come, because the hope is not misplaced. Tomorrow will come, because love never fails.

To burn my bridges.

At this time, a voice I had believed to be silenced has me by the neck, strangling and suffocating me. It is in control, asserting its dominance over the outward personality. It has a grim, melancholic outlook on life, sold to cause-and-effect, ultimately wishing for this seemingly pitiful existence to come to an end.

"Fight it," says Faith. "God the Father is not done with you yet."

"Give in," says Reason. "Listen to the Cynic. This life is clearly an exercise in futility."

And I lament, having given my life over to Reason, that even when Faith has something to say, I allow Reason to have greater say, and have Faith as the backup. So often has this happened, that I hardly ever hear Faith in daily matters. It seems that when those who continue to believe in me, repeat to me what Faith has not stopped saying, and just as I rejected Faith, I so reject them. I exhibit indifference, or outright rejection. Why?

Because Reason has taken a place over the Object of my Faith. Given the circumstances now, I now realize that as long as Reason and God stand on the same side, I will agree with Faith. Now, however, given the grimness of the reality in my life, and even life in general, I have always preferred to side with Reason. God and Reason are contradictions so deep I cannot reconcile them alone. A choice must be made, without delay.

"Without faith," says Faith. "no man can please God."

What do I really want to do? What do I really believe? The actuality is that Reason and Faith has never stood on the same side. Reason changes its opinion according to facts, Faith stands with truth. What is true to the observer who is bound in time may be true now, but not tomorrow. What Faith sees, however, stays true forever because it sees into another realm, just as real but eternal and unseen. I am uncomfortable with what I cannot perceive in person. To me, seeing is believing.

"You are not alone, Thomas too believed only when he saw and touched. But he had to first take a leap of faith, since he had to first give voice to the doubts that filled him. He believed Jesus that stood before him to be the same One who answered their every question patiently and lovingly," says Faith. "What say you now, to Him who stands at the door of your heart, knocking that you might ask Him to reveal Himself as He did to Thomas?" 

What a choice - to burn my bridges and live an Agnostic, or to cut Reason loose and believe Faith and God.

Missing the point.

“ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ ” - Luke 15:31-32

Many of us have read the parable of the prodigal son, and know its intent all too well - the Father heart of God.  When I re-read this, it is not the abundant grace that the father in the story pours out on the prodigal son that speaks most to me, but the final scene in which the father speaks with his older son. 

He was intensely jealous because his younger brother had obtained such favor in spite of his unfilial behavior. He had spent his best years working hard for his father without lament, yet he receives none of the attention the family wastrel gets upon his return. Of course, we say he missed the point of the father's jubilee, which is focused on the lost-and-found circumstance of the prodigal son. 

"You are always with me, and everything I have is yours" - how could the older son miss such a simple truth about his father's love for him? Was he neglected? Surely not, for if the father represented God, then this father figure must love both sons equally much. How could I miss this truth about God the Father as well? Through the lenses I view Him with.

I have been wearing lenses that paint Him in a different light. Almighty Lord, Righteous Judge, Wonderful Creator, but NOT Loving Father, or at least not strongly enough. If Jesus died to grant fallen Man a chance to enter the presence of God the Father, then I missed the point about being in a relationship with Him. The key characteristic of the relationship I have with Him is neither Creator and created, nor Lord and servant, but Father and son. I feel like such a fool, as did the older son when he finally realized his father's heart towards him. 

Postscript: I should also make note to hold my tongue and my contempt for advice that is spoken in love.

With a new mind

Words like "inner man", "dwell in your hearts through faith", "renewed in the spirit of your minds" are poignant reminders for a carnal man like me. They remind me that I am three-in-one - soul, spirit and flesh. Furthermore, Paul speaks like this: "you took off your former way of life, the old man that is corrupted by deceitful desires...you put on the new man, the one created according to God's likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth." (Ephesians 4:22-24)

How can I live like a savage who's never seen fire? Or a child who's never had a shower? It is crass, absolutely revolting that I continue to even indulge any part of the old self. It is more than forging new habits, more than finding right company, pursuing righteousness and justice. All things Christians do need not be Christian, or church, or spiritual, but all things done should find their purpose in Him who made us "no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with the saints, and members of God's household." (Ephesians 2:19)

Ashamed.

One of my greatest and deepest passions is off-road cycling, but for the past three weeks, I've found constant obstacles to me fulfilling a Saturday morning dose of it. Given how the seasonal rains can upset the terrain in Singapore, I try to maximize my off-road time during the first half of a calendar year. As such, it's been rather disheartening to know that I am missing my off-road time because I need to catch enough winks to not fall sick or underperform during ministry time on Sunday.

My prayer is simple: Help me, oh Lord, to get over this disappointment, because I know You know my heart and hear my prayers. Now what about the souls unsaved? Where is my zeal for them such that I can have a similar experience, such that when they are indeed saved, I shall rejoice with the angels in heaven? I am such a hypocrite, so myopic and so selfish. Greater is this prayer's need to be fulfilled: Help me, oh Lord, to grow in passion for those who do not call you Lord and Savior yet, since their lives are missing the greatest fulfillment of them all.

Playing for keeps.

Do me a favor 

Would you tell me which way's up? 

'Cause I don't know where I fit 

Do me a favor 

Would to you tell me when to stop? 

'Cause I don't know how to quit 

Do me a favor 

'Cause I'm playing for keeps

- Playing for Keeps, by Switchfoot (2000)

When you start having to put your beliefs into words, you will be surprised what comes out of your own lips. As I inexorably advance in age, I find this ability to verbalize my values and beliefs increasingly relevant. Indeed, I thank the Lord that He never fails to challenge my values, constantly testing the strength of my convictions, so that I may pass on my values with sufficient clarity in words and deeds.

When you start playing for keeps, the world you live in becomes a very different place. This is not because the environment has really changed, but because your mindset experiences a paradigm shift. There is no second chance, there is no round two in this life, because there are many things which I can only experience on this side of eternity. Every decision is important, even if it's something as mundane as waking up for school. I confess, I am no saint, and if not for the Holy Spirit's affirmation that I am God's own, I will consider myself a lost cause when it comes to being right in God's eyes. However, daily I am being sanctified, made holy. Not holier and holier, but holy, as in set apart for God's glory. Therefore, because of this confidence from God through the Holy Spirit, I can pursue good works and holiness not as a means to an end, but as an end by His means - the Holy Spirit.

Decision, determination, discipline.

I feel tired and exhausted, and very tempted to bend my beliefs for the moment. What a risk then, for me to be attempting to make a decision at this juncture in time! How shall I go about this?

In such moments, I must remind myself, to sift through my memories and revisit decisions. No, not to weigh one  option against the other, but to stand by the decisions previously made with determination. Determination is not tested when you have a clear mind, but when you are less than so.

Discipline then, is that most excellent habit formed through the work of prior determination, and permits one to consistently make the right decision throughout similar moments in life. Indeed, my determination is being tested right now, and I know I want to have the discipline to make the right decision in every instance of this temptation. There is great tension now. I will need a nap now to restore this mind to a functional degree of lucidity.

Forward unto dawn.

Fact: I can and will very likely be hurt by the very people I serve in the Kingdom of God.

Truth: The Kingdom of God is not for the here and now, but lasts for all eternity. 

Truth: I serve because I am not for the here and now, but I am carving out my story for all eternity.

Truth: My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, appointed me to this place, this position, and this hour because He knows I can bear fruit here.

Truth: Spiritual fruit find their embodiment in the hearts and minds of the people whose lives I touch daily.

Therefore, press forward. Forward unto dawn.